Marie's Regret

"Saint Marie"
Louise Erdrich

"'Come forward, Sister Leopolda.' I gestured with my heavenly wound. Oh, it hurt. It bled when I reopened the place where it had begun to heal. "Kneel beside me," I said.
She kneeled, but her voice box evidently did not work, for her mouth opened, shut, opened, but no sound came out. My throat clenched in the noble delight I had read of as befitting a saint. She could not speak. But she was beaten. It was in her eyes. She stared at me now with all the deep hate of the wheel of devilish dust that rolled wild within her emptiness." 

I find it hard not to empathize with Marie, although from a different standpoint.  Here, we see Marie's religious triumph over her oppressor.  Using Catholicism against Leopolda, she demonically becomes a false idol, and the other trusting nuns readily embrace her christening as "saint".  On a personal note, I am a raging atheist.  Throughout my years of Catholic education I found it impossible not to butt heads with my elders, who attempted to "educate" me contrary to my own conceptions about the world. 

Of course, Marie has no such predisposition.  In fact, she seems to take the religion to heart, so much so she feels the devil in herself.  I see this as a story about a girl possessed by the "devil", hoodwinking the good and pious into seeing her as something she is not.  Marie's "devil" can be seen in two ways.  If you see this as a story about a clash between heaven and hell, then it could be seen as the actual devil moving through Marie.  However, I see it more as a metaphor for her narcissism and hate.  Her "devil" is her vow of vengeance against Leopolda, and she uses it to become the idolized character she wishes to be.  

Of course, there is the irony at the very end.  In the above quote, we see Marie's sick joy at having dominated Leopolda, beaten her at her own game.  Using the very religion that beats her, humors her condescendingly, Marie manages to become a type of god.  Aware that she is not a saint, Marie still plays the part, taking narcissistic pleasure in impersonating saintliness, all the while having internal ulterior motives.  However, at the very end Marie experiences remorse.  This part is likely the most interesting.  Instead of the story ending with Marie as the victor, she walks away unsatisfied.  Completely consumed by her desire, she loses sight of what would actually make her happy.  In the end, she did not desire sainthood, but something else.  Looking at Leopolda, Marie realizes this, all far too late.  I hate to use cliches, but "you don't know what you've got until its gone" seems appropriate.  We've all taken something for granted, only to be reminded of its importance as it leaves.  That for me is one of the harshest and most relatable points for this story.